Fear of rejection is still hampering disclosure

Dr. Sindi van Zyl

10 March 2010

Some of our most treasured memories are from childhood. Those memories mostly revolve around the love between us and our parents. Fast-forward to adulthood. You’re gravely ill, bedridden and your parents have rejected you and banished you to a shack in their backyard. Nobody checks if you’re fine, leaving you there for weeks without any care. Eventually, you die - alone.

What I have just related is the true story of a young lady who died from AIDS. She disclosed her status to her parents – the two people in the world that should have loved her the most – and they rejected her. Disclosure of HIV status destroys relationships. Relationships between husband and wife, parent and child, between lovers who at one stage whispered sweet nothings to each other.

We are social creatures. We need relationships to make life worthwhile.

Two articles recently made headlines overseas. Johnson Aziga from Canada was convicted of murder for having unprotected sex with eleven women, and not disclosing his HIV status. He is awaiting sentence.

Mark Deveraux from Dundee, Scotland was sentenced to 10-years imprisonment for recklessly infecting his lover with HIV. He had unprotected sex with three other women and he also hadn’t disclosed his HIV status.

I work with HIV-positive pregnant women every day. A good majority of the women have been positive for at least 2 years. And they have yet to disclose their HIV status to their partners. Just today, I saw Busi. She had TB meningitis in October last year and was started on ARVs in November. Now she is 8 weeks pregnant. She has not told her partner of more than 5 years that she is HIV-positive. She is afraid that he will leave her. And chances are he probably will. Many women that I see at the ARV clinics have been rejected after disclosing their statuses, and are now raising their children as single parents.

The two men that have been found guilty of not disclosing their statuses probably failed to disclose for the same reason: rejection. If parents can still reject their own children, disclosure will continue to be a problem.

To learn more about disclosure, download the manual below.

Open Society Foundation for South Africa (2009) A best practice guide to HIV disclosure.